Dairy Entries of a Bully Victim

From my What Next? Brainstorms I found to produce more emotional work I needed to look at case studies of victims of bullying so I could understand more clearly the effect bullying has. Also some of my ideas from my What Next? Brainstorms link to the idea of words and telling a story on someones hands and using projections to show the story. One study which I found online I found to be truly horrific. Many people forget that bullying can happen to boys and this story below is about a boy who was bullied and it shows the growth bullying has on a person and how they can change. This story took place over 5 months. It is a fictional story, therefore I feel I can draw ideas off of it without risking offending family members. However, the feelings expressed within this story is very true. I have included sections of the story but the full story can be read on:  http://ezinearticles.com/?Victims-of-Bullycide-Stories---Joshuas-Diary&id=4609549

November 5

This is the best day of my life!

I just got my report card and got an A in all subjects.

I am so happy!

November 22

I do not understand. Billy and Joel started calling me a sissy. I never did anything to them. Why are they calling me names? They wouldn't stop. I hope they do not call me names anymore.

December 3

Billy and Joel are still calling me names. Now they are calling me the P word. They say no girl would ever go out with me. They say I am a loser.

Now even Jessica and Scott are calling me names. My best friend Marcus says he is afraid to hang out with me. He is scared they will start picking on him.

December 15

They will not stop. I told them to stop and they pushed me against the lockers in gym. Then they started making fun of me in the showers. It was great when Mr. Holland walked in and told them to break it up. I am scared. I hate school.

I want to tell Mom and Dad but if I do they will talk to my teacher and when Billy and the others find out I told on them I think it will get even worse.

January 2

Christmas vacation was fun. 

I wish I did not have to go back to school tomorrow.

January 3

I knew I did not want to go to school. Billy and his gang started calling me names again and then shoved me back and forth making me fall down. They took my lunch money and dared me to tell.

January 12

I pretended I had an upset stomach. Mom would not stop asking me questions. She wants to know why I am so sad all the time. She says I have changed.

I could not tell her. I am afraid to.

February 15

I knew things would not change. Now the gang just makes sure no one else is around when they pick on me. I am scared to go to the bathroom, locker room, showers, any place they can corner me in private.

I am so tired. I am so lonely.

March 2

Report cards came out today. It was my worse report card ever. Mom and Dad said it was alright. That they understood. I could tell I let them down. They were disappointed in me. I can tell.

March 11

What I found was some messages from a guy called George. He was calling me all kinds of bad names. He said I should just run away, leave, not go back to school. That no one liked me. That no one wanted anything to do with me. Maybe he is right. I think it is Billy. It sounded just like him.

March 12

I put my finger down my throat this morning after eating a big breakfast and threw up in the bathroom. I showed Mom and although I suspect she knew what was going on she let me stay home. I did not want to go to school. I am scared.

I found more really bad posts from George or whoever. Now I am also getting posts from someone with a screen name of Devil880 and another whose screen name is Chuckie69. I did not think they allowed that kind of language on the forum. I am not sure I want to report it. It might just get worse.

I don't think I am going to come back to the forum any more. It just isn't fun anymore.

March 21

Something is going on. It seems like everyone I look at is laughing at me. I see some kids passing a piece of paper around and then the person giggles and looks at me. What is happening?

More posts telling me I am a loser, that I should just end it all now.

I cannot take much more. What are they going to do next?

Why won't they just leave me alone? What did I do to deserve this?

I can't go back to school. I know Mom is going to make me go.

This is the worst day of my life!

Conclusion of The Diary of Joshua - Victims of Bullycide Stories:

That was the last entry in Joshua's Diary.

You could see water marks on the last page Joshua wrote. I am sure he was crying as he was writing. He must have been very sad, lonely, and confused.

Joshua's Mom, after calling him from downstairs several times to come down for breakfast, went into his bedroom. She did not see Joshua. It was too cold for his window to be open. Why would it be open? Then she saw a thin long nylon rope tied to his bedpost near the window. When she looked out the window she found her son. He had hung himself.

On his nightstand was a note. It simply said "I am sorry I disappointed you, I love you Mom and Dad, Joshua".

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